7 Questions Every Parent Needs to Ask About Media Content
September 2nd, 2010

Turn on the radio and you hear Katy Perry singing about kissing a girl and liking it. On TV, watch an unmarried new mom raise a baby on her own. Between innings of a baseball game, you’ll see a couple in separate bath tubs waiting for the right time.

Movies and the Internet pose a whole other set of issues. There’s really no escaping the influence of the media on our families.

As parents, how are we supposed to guard our kids from the flood of messages and images portrayed in the media?

We need to be aware and involved and teach them discernment.

Blogger Joshua Harris writes: “To discern is to perceive the true nature of something. Because the popular media so often speak to us through our emotions, we must grow in discernment. Otherwise, when violence comes disguised as justice, when lust masquerades as romance, or when greed and selfishness pose as success, we’re likely to be deceived.”

How can we help our children grow in discerning which activities honor God?

Harris offers these seven questions:

1. Does it present a temptation to sin? (Romans 13:14, 2 Timothy 2:22)

2. Is it beneficial? (1 Corinthians 6:12a, 1 Corinthians 10:23)

3. Is it enslaving? (1 Corinthians 6:12b)

4. Does it honor and glorify God? (1 Corinthians 10:31)

5. Does it promote the good of others? (1 Corinthians 10:33)

6. Does it cause anyone to stumble? (1 Corinthians 8:13)

7. Does it arise from a pure motive? (Jeremiah 17:9)

“Watch what comes into your house,” says Dennis Rainey, president of FamilyLife. “Someone needs to stand sentry at the media entrance to the family, carefully and prayerfully deciding what will be allowed in.”

The words of Psalm 101:2-3 apply well to media use: 

I will be careful to lead a blameless life—
       when will you come to me?
       I will walk in my house
       with blameless heart.

 I will set before my eyes
       no vile thing.
       The deeds of faithless men I hate;
       they will not cling to me.

Someday, our kids will move out of the house and make their own decisions. We need to help them develop discerning hearts while they are still in our care. Discernment grows from teaching “why” and not just “what.”

How do you teach your kids media discernment?

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A Mom’s Prayer for a New School Year
August 24th, 2010

My two daughters just finished their first week back to school. Callie started high school and Emily began middle school. New schools and routines take some getting used to, but so far, so good.

I’ve been reflecting on my hopes and prayers for their school year. Here’s a letter I wrote to them to encourage them throughout the year:

Dear Callie and Emily,
What an exciting year ahead for both of you! Big transitions to new schools, totally different schedules and adjusting to more homework than you’ve had in past years.

High school and middle school will offer awesome new opportunities for both of you. It will also offer some not-so-great ones, too.

I know you sometimes roll your eyes at me when I tell you almost every day the same thing: You are a treasured child of the Most High God!

I tell you this to remind you whose you are and to whom you belong. You are precious daughters of the King! This is life-changing truth that I don’t want you to ever forget.

If you think I’m crazy about you, always remember God is completely, 100-percent nuts about you. He thinks you are a masterpiece and tells you in Psalm 139 that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Girls may leave you out at the lunch table or ignore you in the halls. Your feelings will get hurt this year. You’re not quite ready to understand what boys can do to your heart, so that’s another letter for another time.

When things are tough or you feel alone, never forget that God is always with you wherever you go—even in biology class or P.E. He is with you and for you!

I am confident that you will be God’s girls in your schools and shine a light for Him. Take courage and be difference makers. Lead your friends to make good choices with you. Let others see Jesus in how you live your lives.

You know one of our family’s favorite Bible passages is Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

My hope and prayer for you this school year is that you will trust in Him to lead you each and every day. He knows the right paths for you to take. Trust Him to guide your life. I promise that you’ll never regret it.

Love you,
Mom

What hopes and prayers do you have for your children’s school year?

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10 Things I Wish I Would Say to My Kids
August 19th, 2010

My biggest parenting regrets are almost always the things I don’t say to my children.

You undoubtedly know what it’s like. I love my daughters so dearly. But sometimes I don’t tell them what I should – such as “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” – or at least not nearly often enough.

Do you feel the same way with your parenting?

This got me thinking about things I wish I could tell my two kids. In some cases, since they’re grade school age, they aren’t mature enough to process what I’d like to share with them. In other cases, these are things I could tell them today but simply haven’t.

Inspired by a colleague’s blog post about Awana leaders, here are 10 things I wish I could say (or say more often) to my daughters, Jessica and Nicki. How many of these do you wish you would say to your own children?

10. I’m deeply sorry for the times I’ve hurt you. I’ve crushed your spirit, ignored you, yelled at you, torn down your character, punished you out of anger, exasperated you and been a poor example for you. Sometimes I’ve asked you to forgive me. Other times I haven’t. Hurting you is one of my biggest regrets as a parent. I ask you to forgive me for all my mistakes. I want us to be right with each other.

9. You’re going to be a teen soon. It’ll be tempting to act like other teens – ignore your parents, get an attitude, question everything and just focus on what you want. Becoming a teen is tough. But remember that, whether you’re 13 or 93, we should live to please only One Person – God. His view matters more than anyone else’s.

8. Someday as girls you’ll find yourself interested in boys. It’s something natural that God gives us at just the right time. But only God’s rules matter for relating to boys. He made these rules for our good. We’ll study them, talk about them and work together on how to apply them to your lives. He knows best.

7. God may have someone in mind for you to marry someday. There are two ways you can prepare for marriage. Grow into the kind of woman God wants you to become, and save yourself for that special relationship with your future husband. Uh, your mother can tell you what “save yourself” means.

6. School is important. You hear people say, “School is boring and bad.” It’s not true. Getting an education is critical. And don’t ever stop learning. To learn is to grow. Keep learning and growing your entire life – especially from God’s Word. It’s the ultimate source of learning.

5. Do all you can to make your relationship with your sister great. I know sometimes you annoy each other and get sick of being around one another. But you’re going to need each other throughout your lives. Stick together like glue.

4. Trust God by obeying Mom and me. Sometimes you get tired of obeying us. Sometimes we make mistakes. But God says, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right for a reason. You honor Him every time you obey us. You’ll be better off today and as adults by following our lead. God knows best. Trust Him by trusting us.

3. You are an incredible creation of God. You were wonderfully made in His image. Since you accepted Jesus as Savior, He’s grown so many of His terrific qualities into your heart. Delight in who God made you to be. Enjoy the good things of life that He gives you. And follow Him each day. He’ll take you on some amazing journeys.

2. I love you more than you will ever know and am extremely proud of who you are. Besides my relationships with God and your mom, you are by far the most important person and priority in my life. I love every day I get to spend with you. I’m so thankful for the special job God gave me when He trusted me to be your daddy.

1. As much as I love you, God loves you even more. He loves you so much that He sacrificed His Son for your sins so you could live with Him forever. If you remember only one thing I ever teach you, it should be this truth. Thank Him often for His love for you.

What would you like to share with your kids that you haven’t?

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Why the Best of Both Worlds Really Isn’t the Best, Miley
August 13th, 2010

Kim Anderson is a Web copywriter at Awana. She and her husband have two daughters. She has also co-written six books on youth ministry.

For the last few years, the TV show “Hannah Montana” has been one of my daughters’ favorite programs. They enjoy the humor, great cast and Hannah’s music.

For those of you not familiar with the show, the lead actress is Miley Cyrus. Her fan base with tween girls numbers in the millions worldwide. It’s seen in 150 countries. Disney has sold 13.2 million “Hannah Montana” albums. The sitcom is the number one cable show among 9- to 14-year-olds.

But Miley has recently turned a corner in her career. Instead of singing songs appropriate for her age (she’s 17) and fan base, Miley’s latest album is targeted to adults. The suggestive lyrics have turned her from an innocent, likable teen star to a sexualized young adult.

“I’m super excited for this new chapter of my life to begin,” said Miley in an interview earlier this summer.

Teachable moments

I’m not at all bashing Miley but feel sad for the choices she’s making. As a professing Christ follower, Miley’s new image is confusing to so many of her fans.

Situations like this provide powerful teachable moments with our children. Ask your kids what they think about Miley’s changes. Show them what the Bible says about following God and not following idols.

Communicating God’s truths with our kids

Blogger Vicki Courtney wrote a helpful response to Miley’s transformation:

I hope and pray Miley finds her way back to God’s path. If she is a believer, we can be certain that deep within the recesses of her heart she knows freedom in Christ doesn’t mean living your life any old way you please and excusing it under an umbrella of cheap grace. A true believer can’t live a life that is openly contrary to God’s standards for long without experiencing tremendous conviction for their waywardness. The conviction will eat their lunch and eventually bring them to a place of godly sorrow that results in repentance.

Rather than join in on the trash-Miley-Cyrus bandwagon, let’s take a moment to look within our own hearts. What do we have a tendency to chase after, excuse and thus put us at risk of compromising our own faith (being a hypocrite)? We need to stop viewing “sin” as a laundry list of particular actions/behaviors and begin to see it as a condition of the human heart. When we do so, we are less likely to finger-point and trash others because we realize we, too, are infected with the same condition.

Courtney concludes: “And maybe that’s the lesson that we as parents need to learn. When it comes to influencing our children, no one should be placed too high on a role-model pedestal. If we refuse to prop them up, we won’t have as big a mess to clean up if they fall down. It’s that simple.”

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Back in the Good Old Days (But Were They Really?)
August 10th, 2010

Linda Weddle is senior U.S. program designer at Awana. She grew up in Awana, her children took part in Awana, and now her grandchildren all are in Awana. Linda is author of How to Raise a Modern-Day Joseph.

My dad often told the story of his pet skunk. He had caught the skunk in the wild and it remained wild in every way – including that of skunk smell.

One day, after playing with his skunk, the odor lingered on my dad to such an extent that his algebra teacher refused to let him in class. Being that he didn’t like algebra, Dad thought that was good fortune. So, he got in the habit of regularly playing with his skunk before school. And it worked … until his mom figured out what he was doing.

Very few parents today have problems with their kids, pet skunks and algebra. But parents do have problems with things my grandmother couldn’t have imagined. (Consider cyber bullying – a problem so new, most dictionaries don’t define it.)

This raises the question: Is parenting in today’s world more difficult than ever?

I decided to ask other parents.

And I got answers.

A few parents said that in terms of products available, parents today have things easier. At the same time, these same parents said that often the new and improved products actually make life more complicated. (Does a new mom really need a diaper wipe warmer? Seriously?)

But most agreed that parenting is more difficult today.

1. More distractions competing for a child’s time

2. More influences which can be bad, such as the Web, TV or not-so-good books

3. Media that is pushing the limits

4. Influence of inappropriate culture on products seen on supermarket shelves, fast-food lunches and children’s TV commercials

5. Technology which is everywhere and can be terribly mismanaged

6. School systems which are pushing to “homogenize” kids to think alike (liberal and tolerant toward anything)

7. Churches which no longer teach the central truths of God’s Word

8. Consumerism

9. Shortage of teachers who share the values of parents

10. Willingness of parents to let others (teachers, TV, day care and yes, even church) raise their kids

11. Struggling economy and lack of job opportunities.

Not a great picture, is it? Yet that’s the world we live in.

When compared with a world of 50 years ago, the picture looks bleak. At the same time, we naturally tend to focus on the world as we know it. In other places and in other times, parents raised their kids in circumstances we can’t begin to understand.

Think about it. Would you rather have raised your child …

* In the Roman Empire where Christians were thrown to the lions or persecuted in other ways?

* During the time of Herod when all boys under age 2 were killed?

* In a country now – where churches have to meet secretly?

* In Corinth where people lived such a debauched life they got drunk during communion (and THOSE were the church members)?

* Or during the era in Europe where people were mandated to be part of a particular church?

Yes, parenting is a difficult job. Parenting has always been a difficult job and will continue to be a difficult job.

But God doesn’t change His standard. We are to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. As one mom commented on my question, “I think every generation just rolls up their sleeves and does what they have to do.”

And that’s the truth.

Yes, we have bad influences swirling around us, but we need to roll up our sleeves and do what we have to do – knowing that our strength comes from the Lord. (Remember Philippians 4:13 – we can do all in God’s strength, and that includes parenting.) And as always, a parent’s ultimate goal is to raise children who know, love and serve the Lord.

Now, about your son and his pet skunk …

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Parent Quiz: How Well Do You Really Know Your Child?
August 6th, 2010

Jeff Smith is editorial manager at Awana. A former Awana leader and director and now a children's ministry teacher, he and his wife have two children.

One of my favorite quotes is from John Maxwell. You may know it:

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

This speaks directly about our kids. The older they get, the less receptive they may be when we teach them how to walk with – and like – Christ.

That is, unless we take an active interest in their lives.

That means:

• Being available for them
• Spending quality and quantity time with them
• Listening intently when they talk
• Asking questions about church, friends, school, interests, dreams and daily issues
• Instilling them with love, encouragement and wisdom.

But how can we measure if we’re hitting the target?

One way is simply by how well we know our kids. Do we have a steady hand on the pulse of their lives, or are our kids more like strangers merely sharing a roof?

If your child is grade-school age or older, it’s quiz time. Take out your No. 2 pencil and answer these questions. And no asking your kid for answers now!

Do you know …

1. The names of your child’s friends? (And who is your child’s best friend?)
2. Her preferred learning style?
3. His love language – how he likes best to receive love?
4. Her top talents – and what she thinks she does best?
5. What he thinks he isn’t good at?
6. Her favorite and least favorite school subjects? What she likes and dislikes about school, too?
7. His best – and worst – time of day?
8. Her favorite movie, song, musician, book, Web site and TV show?
9. His favorite activities?
10.  Her favorite things to do as a family?
11.  His favorite Bible verse, passage or biography?
12.  Her hopes and dreams?
13.  His favorite family meal?
14.  What she values most?
15.  Who he looks up to most?
16.  Her favorite flavor of ice cream?
17.  His favorite breakfast?
18.  Her biggest fear?
19.  His biggest pet peeve?
20.  Her character’s greatest strength and biggest weakness?

If you got 18 or more answers right, you’re doing a terrific job of connecting with your child. Well done!

If you answered 15 to 17 questions correctly, you’re doing well but have a little room for improvement.

If you answered 14 or fewer questions right, you probably need to spend more time and energy getting to know your child.

But the truth is, we all can connect more closely with our kids, can’t we? It’s an ongoing process and one of our highest responsibilities from God. Let’s not look back and lament neglecting our children, even for a season. We only get one shot with them. Let’s make the most of it … starting today.

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What Is Your Favorite Summer Vacation Memory?
August 3rd, 2010

Kim Anderson is a Web copywriter at Awana. She and her husband have two daughters. She has also co-written six books on youth ministry.

When I think about the summer vacations of my childhood, one place comes to mind: Eagle River, Wisconsin.

Since I was a baby until age 17, my family and I spent two weeks every summer at my grandparents’ cabin on a lake in the north woods.

My aunt, uncle and cousins from California, a great aunt and another group of relatives all met every July at the lake—25 of us in total.

It was, hands down, the highlight of all of our summers—to be together and make lasting memories.

And we made lots of memories:

* learning to ski
* chasing bats out of the cabin with tennis racquets
* washing loads of dishes with my cousins after dinner
* volleyball games using flour for boundary lines
* going to town for fudge and souvenirs
* watching the same ski show each year and stopping for pizza at Mama’s
* playing crazy games every night.

I’ll never forget these cherished times and the close bonds I built with my relatives. But one memory stands out that left a lasting impression on my life.

A godly legacy

My grandparents were faithful followers of Christ and honored God in how they lived their daily lives. They made sure that all 25 of us attended church each Sunday at the small community church in town. Our group made up almost half the congregation for those two Sundays each July.

Not only did we attend the morning service, but we honored the Sabbath and rested all afternoon before returning for the evening service. Looking back as an adult, I’m grateful for the example my grandparents set in teaching all of us the importance of consistent church attendance and why it matters.

The value of traditions and vacations

Vacations allow families to create traditions and closer family ties. My friend Shauna Niequist wrote a chapter in her book Cold Tangerines about the value of family vacations and dedicated it to my family. Here’s what she wrote:

Vacations are the act of grabbing minutes and hours and days with both hands, stealing against the inevitability of time. There will be a day when our family as we know it will no longer exist, and I want to know in that moment that I wasn’t at the office or doing the dishes when I could have been walking on the dock with my dad, when I could have been drinking tea and eating ginger cookies on the porch with my mom. I don’t want to be building my bank account or my abs or my dream house when I could be dancing with Aaron on the beach, when I could be making crackers and cheese for dinner because we were on the boat till way after the shops closed, sunburnt and sandy and windblown, and happier there and together than anywhere else with anyone else.

When you think of summer vacations from your childhood, what memories come to mind? I’d love to hear your stories.

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We’re Too Busy Not to Pray for Our Kids
July 27th, 2010

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High School is Coming. Is Your Teen Prepared Spiritually?
July 23rd, 2010

Kim Anderson is a Web copywriter at Awana. She and her husband have two daughters. She has also co-written six books on youth ministry.

My daughter Callie starts high school in three weeks. High school is a rite of passage all teens face. For some, it is a time to flourish, deepen character, develop strong friendships and enjoy all the activities and school spirit.

But high school can also be a challenging time, especially for committed Christian students who face peer pressure daily from those around them.

Preparing for the adventure of high school

I worked on a church staff in high school ministry. I’m grateful for that experience, especially now that I’m almost the parent of a high schooler. My work was eye opening, and I learned so much.

I believe a mistake many Christian parents make is to think they can shield their teen from the influences of our culture. They can’t.

Don’t get me wrong: We play a critical role in training and teaching our children throughout their life stages about God and His truths and how we are to live life. But at some point, our children will start making their own choices and develop their own set of beliefs.

Here are a few ideas as I help prepare my daughter for high school:

Be open and honest about the choices Callie will face. Teenagers drink alcohol and abuse drugs. That happens in every high school around the country—even Christian ones. I plan to read and stay informed about what is happening in teen culture. Then I can ask her what she thinks and study together what God says about a particular issue.

Talking about real issues like alcohol, R-rated movies, drugs, cheating, dating and gossip will help her form her own convictions.

Dennis Rainey writes: “Before Daniel began serving King Nebuchadnezzar, he resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way (Daniel 1:8). He decided in advance what temptations he wanted to avoid to live a holy life before God.”

Role-play different situations. Discuss how to respond in each circumstance. What should you say or do if you are in a difficult situation? I want Callie to know that there is always a way out.

If she fails, I want her to understand what happened and how she could do it differently in the future. And when she makes good choices, I’ll be cheering her on, encouraging her to keep honoring God in all areas of her life.

Don’t follow the crowd. Be a difference-maker. I pray my daughter will influence others for Christ and be an example on her campus in how she lives. Matthew 5:16 says: In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Keep church youth group a priority. I will make every effort to get Callie to church on a consistent basis. This is the best place for Callie to identify and get to know other Christian students from our church community. It also gives my husband and me a chance to meet other Christian parents for fellowship, support and encouragement.

Encouraging Callie with all these goals requires more effort from my husband and me than ever before. We need to radically and unconditionally love her and build into her so that her emotional buckets are full. With God’s help, my daughter, and your own teens, will have the courage to stand firm for Christ on their campus no matter what.

How do you help your high school student resist peer pressure?

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What is God’s Plan for Your Child’s Spiritual Training?
July 20th, 2010

Linda Weddle is senior U.S. program designer at Awana. She grew up in Awana, her children took part in Awana, and now her grandchildren all are in Awana. Linda is author of How to Raise a Modern-Day Joseph.

Parents are responsible for spiritually training their children. Here at Awana, that sentence has been written or spoken thousands of times. Deuteronomy 6:5-9 have become so important to our curriculum that they are part of our required staff memory program.

One overall premise we gain from Deuteronomy 6:5-9 is that spiritual training is constant. We can’t box it up and pull it out an hour a week or even an hour a day and expect what we’re saying to make a lasting impression. This is a 24/7 job.

But what is the plan for that training?

Let’s jump over to a familiar verse in the New Testament: 2 Timothy 3:16 – All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness. One of the reasons God gave us His Word is to train us, to show us how to live the Christian life, so what better training plan to copy than God’s plan for training us?

1. Teaching. We are to teach our children, not just about Bible events and characters but also how our decisions in every area of our lives should first and foremost be made in light of what God says.

* Yes, that wildflower is pretty – think of all the different colors God used in flowers.
* What do you think? Do you think we should allow you to watch a movie that has so much bad language? (Part of teaching is challenging kids to think for themselves – with parental guidance to come to correct conclusions.)
* Let’s do a day trip and visit that glass factory and watch the glass-making demonstrations. God has given people unusual and unique talents.
* We’re proud of you. You had a good game tonight. We’re even more proud of the way you encouraged the boy who dropped the ball.

2. Reproof/Rebuking. This can be a challenging area in training a child. But as parents, we must realize that children are capable of understanding that there is a right and wrong way to do things. When a child does something wrong, we must point it out to him. Once a child understands that something is wrong but continues to do it, he must be appropriately punished.

Unfortunately, parents often use sarcasm, teasing, ridicule and even cruelty in reproving their kids. The purpose of reproof is not to make our children feel ashamed, rejected, ignorant or guilty but to show them God’s standard for making the right choices – and we must be consistent in doing this. Something that is wrong on Tuesday is also wrong on Wednesday even if we’re busy on Wednesday and don’t want to take the time to stop our kids from what they’re doing.

3. Correction. One of the most vital areas of training is to teach a child that wrongdoing must be corrected. Correction is helping a child adjust to a situation and do it the right way.

Often correction is not for a moral issue but simply teaching life skills. For instance, a 3-year-old learning her ABCs might insist on skipping the letter “J.” A parent needs to go over and over the alphabet until she gets it – but she shouldn’t be punished for not quite getting it right.

Correction of moral issues, on the other hand, such as disobedience, lying and stealing, should (in most cases) follow appropriate reproof and punishment.

4. Training in righteousness. One of the main goals for parents is to train their kids in righteousness and disciple their children for Christ. The word “discipline” comes from the same root as disciple. Parents who carelessly permit their children to do and believe what they want to believe are making a huge mistake. Christian parents have a responsibility to convey to their children the discipline of a Christian life.

Discipling a child involves teaching a system of self-control with the goal of building character and causing a child’s behavior to conform to Christ-like attitudes, words and behavior.

All of these components of child training require that a parent live for Christ. Not that the parent will be perfect but that he will voluntarily seek to follow the Lord. The parent also needs to share with the child the remarkable grace of God, which involves forgiveness.

Spiritual training is hard work, but it is also our responsibility to train children to know, love and serve the Lord in the midst of a crooked and perverse world.

What do you find hardest about spiritually training your child?

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